I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
