I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
