State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
