I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
