I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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