Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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