I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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