Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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