i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
