I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
