I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize