you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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