So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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