I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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