And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
