you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
