Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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