i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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