Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bring me that man meat
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
