Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
