69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize