I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They have beer where we have blood.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
