Screwed.edu
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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