His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
