He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
