Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
