Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
a search helicopter?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
