I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
