You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
