She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
