How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
