My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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