he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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