I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
