I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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