its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
