I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
