Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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