ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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