the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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