TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
