How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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