He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
