I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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