Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
