nut hugger
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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