So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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