so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
