I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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