Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize