i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
