Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm sobbing to NWA
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
