It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
