just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
