I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
