Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
