wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
True strength comes from lack of pants
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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