If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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