We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
