Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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