I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
