They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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