Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize