You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
