mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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