i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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