my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
