Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize