Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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