You smell like a Billy Joel song
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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