I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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