It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
