Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
