I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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