i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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