This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
