I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
