Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
