roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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