I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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