I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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