Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
