new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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