I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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