I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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