I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
