..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
