If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
