she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
