How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
