I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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