so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
