Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm like, not good at living.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
