I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
