just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
