cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
