I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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