you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
