Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I looked at my own cervix.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
