Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
